15 Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

“I’m gonna tell you right now—somebody walked in here and told me I just won the lottery, I will walk out in the middle of this joke.”

If I won I wouldn’t even finish typing this sente-

Margaret Cho

“I look at husbands the same way I look at tattoos. I want one, but I can’t decide what I want and I don’t want to be stuck with one I’m just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later.”

Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler stand up


“My name is Adam. My father’s name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it’s alright until your voice changes. My friends would always call up, “Is Adam there?” My father would say, “This is Adam.” My friends would say, “Adam, you were so wasted last night.”

Tina Fey

Tina Fey


“With kids it’s so funny because they’re not strong enough to kill you. But they want to kill you so bad.” 

This joke also applies to your aunt’s mean cats.

George Lopez

George Lopez


“Just yesterday you were my little girl on a tricycle. Now you’re a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on a tricycle.” 

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Top Image: Comedy Central

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