Sure, a gigantic cardboard cut-out isn’t the most convenient item to find a place for, and it runs contrary to pretty much any interior design decision a rational human mind would make, but that’s precisely why it’s so impactful. After all, it’s a sentimental gift from the most important person in the world to him, so throwing it away is immediately out of the picture. You know what IS in the picture? You. Any picture taken in the living room, forever.
A DEMONSTRATION OF PHYSICAL DOMINANCE
Your father has likely raised you ever since you were nothing but a twinkle in his bedroom eyes. He’s seen you grow from a helpless infant, trying your very best to stick your finger in an electrical socket, to a clumsy toddler, to a very bad young soccer player. Sometimes, it can be hard for a father to see you as an adult, to realize just how much you’ve grown thanks to his care and encouragement. There’s one way to make that point stick, forever.
And that’s a good old-fashioned asskicking. With the passage of time, the tables have turned irreversibly. Now, you are the strong one, and he is not the physical specimen he used to be. Pop your papa in a tight headlock, and force him to call YOU dad. This irreparable change in power dynamic can refresh what may have become a stale relationship.
GET HIM PUT ON THE NO-FLY LIST
Dads have trouble with social media. That’s a given! Which means his online presence is likely next to nothing, which means there’s nothing stopping you from creating a robust, false online persona for your father. Once created, you can talk about pretty much whatever you want on there, even including manifesto-style posting that’s sure to get your Dad blacklisted from every airport in the country.