NEW YORK – The custom-built Oculus headset brought to my door by way of a hooded monk perceived to malfunction. The palace at the Place de Vosges gave the impression as soon as once more within the Metaverse however in black and white fairly than vivid cool animated film colours, with much less furnishings and less gadgets d’artwork, with drab partitions unadorned by way of the artwork I had admired at our closing assembly.
A bit of unsure on my ft I wandered concerning the virtual-reality place of abode till I just about came across, or fairly walked via, the translucent ghost of Cardinal Richelieu, the evil genius of 17th century France and grasp strategist of the Thirty Years’ War.
“Please accept my pardon for my reduced circumstances,” the Cardinal stated when we exchanged the standard pleasantries. The price range has been underneath pressure since Meta’s inventory worth collapsed.
That didn’t trouble me; in reality, I most popular the damp ossuary of the Carthusian priests, numberless ranges beneath the sewers of Paris, the place I had first materialized the Cardinal’s spirit with the assistance of a magnum of Chateau Petrus and a spittoon. Virtual actuality gave me complications.
“Your time as always is gratefully appreciated, Eminence,” I presented. “And since your time is constrained,” I added temporarily, “please tell me what will happen in Ukraine, and then what will happen elsewhere in consequence.”
Said the Cardinal:
That is an totally moronic query, for the entirety of significance that would possibly occur to that depressing nation has already came about. Did I now not let you know at our closing assembly that Putin’s object was once now not to try this or that with Ukraine, or to rule Ukraine or to compel Ukraine to undertake one coverage or the opposite, however to be achieved with Ukraine as soon as and for all – to smash it totally, depopulate it and do away with the chance that Ukraine would possibly transform a venue for Western guns pointed at Russia?
One hears from self-deluding Western pundits that Putin desires to be a brand new czar presiding over a brand new Russian empire, and that his assault on Ukraine was once motivated by way of nationwide pleasure and territorial ambition. If that have been true, mon ami, he would now not scorch the earth and pressure out the folks! The injury to Ukraine’s infrastructure on my own exceeds $1 trillion, in a rustic whose nationwide output didn’t achieve $160 billion a 12 months prior to the warfare began! Simply repairing the rustic will require six instances the rustic’s nationwide product, which in fact is not possible.
Even if the cash might be discovered, who would make the maintenance? Before the warfare Ukraine had 45 million folks on paper however simplest 33 million in fact within the nation, as a result of 1/2 the grownup inhabitants had left to paintings in different places. At least 14 million of the ones were pushed from their houses, and maximum of them is not going to go back. After all, the Poles, Hungarians and Germans are wanting folks and can gladly settle for immigrants from Ukraine fairly than from the Middle East or Africa.
“But what of the hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian men who returned to the country to fight the Russians?” I objected.
“They will find out that it is unpleasant to fight the Russians, as their grandfathers did during the Second World War. A few tens of thousands of them will be killed, and others will rot for some time in Russian prison camps as the Russians encircle and annihilate the main body of the Ukrainian army in the Donbass. Then they will join their families in Poland or Germany.”
“But surely the Americans won’t stand for this!,” I protested.
“About the Americans don’t worry such a lot. They are changing into aware of humiliation. Does no person consider their unseemly departure from Afghanistan closing 12 months? They idea they have been suave in cultivating Ukraine as a de facto member of NATO, most likely with anti-missile methods which may be transformed into short-range missiles with nuclear warheads if the will have been to get up.
Putin believed that he had an settlement with the Europeans underneath Minsk II to stay Ukraine impartial and to ensure autonomy to Russian-speaking portions of Ukraine within the East, and he believed – with some justification – that Washington sabotaged this settlement. So he attacked.”
Richelieu’s biretta started to flicker and for a second I assumed I noticed a straw boater as an alternative. It befell to me that he was once about to damage into “Thank Heaven for Little Girls.”
“But Eminence,” I protested, “surely the Americans must have known that the Russian army might destroy Ukraine!”
The Cardinal sneered, his Metaverse mustache twitching violently, as he answered:
The Americans! They are as silly because the Spanish whom I ruined all over the Thirty Years’ War! Actually, Mazarin ruined them, however I had it sewn up smartly prematurely.
The Americans idea Putin’s economic system would cave in! It didn’t. They idea the Russian folks would rise up! They didn’t. They idea their pricey toys, Javelins and Switchblades and Stingers, would prevent the Russian military. They didn’t. They merely killed a large number of Russians. But as Hitler’s very best basic von Manstein stated of the Russians, simply while you assume you’ve killed all of them, every other bunch of them comes over the hill.
The Americans perceive not anything concerning the Russians. The Russias gripe, they get under the influence of alcohol and so they apply orders. They do not have America’s high-tech toys. They merely ship drones to scout the site of the enemy, feed within the coordinates and fireplace huge numbers of artillery shells and rockets. They are unimaginative, stolid and unrelenting. If you need to grasp concerning the Russians, I will be able to introduce you to von Manstein, Charles XII and Napoleon. But the ghost whom you in point of fact will have to conjure is Bismarck. He stated: ‘Kämpfe nicht mit Russen. Auf jede List reagieren sie mit einer unvoraussehbarer Dummheit.”
“Don’t fight with Russians,” I translated. “To every stratagem of war they react with some unforeseeable brutishness.”
“Bingueaux!” stated the Cardinal.
“What will happen if the Russians succeed?” I demanded.
He was once ready for that query and responded right away:
Every nation on the planet will bring to mind Kissinger’s bon mot that it’s unhealthy to be an enemy of the United States – however to be its good friend is deadly. America is beneficiant with people’s blood: Hungarians in 1956, Czechs in 1968, the Kurds in Syria and nowadays the Ukrainians. American pundits say that from Ukraine, Taiwan will have to draw the lesson that it will have to get ready to shield itself now, like a porcupine. But it’s relatively a distinct lesson that the Taiwanese have discovered – specifically that it doesn’t pay to combat as an American proxy.
The Germans can have the number of rearming, and specifically restoring conscription, or accommodating Putin. Which do you assume they’ll do? The Hungarians will congratulate themselves for refusing to enroll in the sanctions towards Moscow. The French will take into account that Marine Le Pen got here inside a cannon-shot of thrashing Macron within the closing elections by way of proposing to take away France from NATO command, and Macron will moderately distance himself from Washington. The Poles will make a horrible noise, however to no avail; the adaptation between the Hungarians and the Poles is that the Hungarians don’t make the error of pondering that they topic. And India will proceed to shop for Russian oil and promote shopper items to the Russian marketplace.
“And China, Eminence? What will China do?” I requested.
“China will devour melons, to make use of their idiom; they’ll stand at the sidelines, watch and do not anything in any respect except for benefit from the distress of the United States. They will display the tools of torture to Taiwan within the expectation that their precise software is probably not essential. They will construct extra hypersonic guns and different nasty gadgets that make the American military fairly unwelcome of their a part of the arena. And they’ll quietly inform nations of pastime to them that the United States failed as soon as once more in Ukraine because it failed in Afghanistan, and that China must be reckoned with as a brand new pole of world energy.
“But surely,” I protested, “there is something that Washington can do to avoid sliding down this slippery slope!”
Richelieu’s face settled right into a ghastly smirk. “Of course, there is something Washington can do! If I commanded a country with the power of the United States, rather than a mere France, I would …”
Sparks sprang from my Oculus headset, and I attempted to take away it, however it gave the impression glued to my face. The Cardinal’s avatar started to crumble into random pixels and the 3 dimensions of the palace at the Place des Vosges collapsed right into a flat aircraft. Nothing was once visual of Richelieu except for his mustache, which vibrated just like the wings of a dragonfly, sending out a horrendous racket that drowned out his voice.
I aroused from sleep subsequent to an empty bottle of Russian Standard vodka and a half-eaten blini wrapped within the editorial segment of the Wall Street Journal.