Care for some stolen random thoughts?

Honest, I’m going to write down a e-book chockful of random ideas in the future (my extra severe e-book about faith is already to be had on Amazon), however closing date pressures stay forcing me to cannibalize my concepts for this column as an alternative.

For example, do you get puzzled through the (microscopic and/or smeared) “sell by” and “best if used by” labels on merchandise? “Best if used by November 2022.” “Best if used by July 2023.” Considering the sodium and sugar content material in many of the merchandise, possibly the labels will have to announce, “Best if used by the jerk whose widow you would like to marry in about five years.”

Why can we waste our time soliciting extremely subjective knowledge from the folks in our lives? A industry proprietor can ask how issues went in his absence. One worker will get started flailing his palms and announce his truthful belief, “All hell broke loose!” Another will undertake the British “stiff upper lip” and sincerely guarantee the boss, “We had a trifle of increased activity.” A excellent surveillance digicam gadget would clear up the discrepancies. Of path, there could be some conflicting value estimates. (“It’ll cost an arm and a leg!” “It already paid for itself when you were a gleam in your father’s eye!”)

Can films and TV presentations drop the time period “safehouse” when the police or CIA are speaking a couple of location to stash a witness? As quickly because the government utter the phrase “safehouse,” it’s a “double dog dare you” for terrorists and mobsters. The state of affairs may just worsen provided that the feds promised witnesses, “You’ll be snug here, but you’ll have to share a room with a gaggle of red-shirted Enterprise crew members.”

I needless to say docs glean a modicum of helpful knowledge from the usual “How would you rate your pain – on a scale from 1 to 10?” query, however indisputably, lets get started lopping off numbers from every finish of the spectrum. I imply, “1” sounds such as you’re bragging or in denial. And “10” carries the connotation of “As soon as you turn your back, I’m stealing your prescription pad and getting sweet relief! And why didn’t you ask me about the pain before the waiting-room chairs and the weigh-in???”

Are anthropologists for actual? They can discover a unmarried teeth in an excavation and breathlessly claim, “This belonged to a redheaded Neanderthal named Gronk, but his friends all called him ‘Buddy.’ He slept on his left side, thought cirrocumulus clouds looked like mastodon flatulence and always flipped his lucky pebble to decide whether it was a hunting day or a gathering day.” But let the anthropologist’s partner ask one thing like, “Did you see that tramp Staci spilling out of her tight blouse?” and it’s “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

I hate individuals who attempt to communicate you into belongings you straight away acknowledge as unhealthy concepts. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.” But if you’ll’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I’ll get my revenge once my furnishings arrives from the state pen. (“Welcome. I’ve saved you a spot of honor in my new easy chair. Go ahead, give Old Smokey a try. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”)

Thanks for letting me rob Tyree to pay Tyree. Darn. I will have to’ve used that one in my faith e-book. (Best if used prior to the Four Horsemen arrive.)

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