WASHINGTON—Furiously lifting weights and flexing their muscular tissues whilst dressed in tight, formfitting shirts, the country’s quick bald guys introduced plans Monday to change into unnervingly ripped. “Today, we, the short men of America with perfectly shaved heads, pledge to build an obscene amount of muscle that will look insane given our below-average stature,” stated quick bald guy James Sharpe, including that he and masses of 1000’s of different males similar to him would no longer relaxation till their biceps, pecs, and calves have been extraordinarily veiny and bulged out of just about any outfit they wore. “America, you’ve been warned! We may be under 5’6″ and have no hair on our heads, but that will not stop us from taking a cocktail of dangerous testosterone supplements, shaving off all our body hair, and working out until we can no longer put our arms down all the way. Also, we will continue to wear oversized sunglasses, clip our cell phones to our belts, and date exceedingly tall women whom we will encourage to wear stiletto heels.” At press time, the country’s quick bald males may just no longer be reached for remark, as they have been reportedly shoving their palms into each and every different’s chests and again and again yelling, “What’s your downside, bro?