Please Don’t Buy This $3000 Star Wars TV

Your toaster doesn’t need to look like R2D2. Your rug doesn’t need even SUBTLE details that look like Yoda and the Mandalorian. And, please, for the love of god, your $3000 OLED TV that is likely the centerpiece of your entire living room does not need to have an imperial logo on the back. I promise you, a single tasteful poster will let visitors know you’re a fan. The only actual living space any collection of these nostalgia desperate housewares belongs in is “a mancave,” which is already basically an ersatz womb in which to resolve unsettled childhood issues.

Not to mention that getting that logo on the back of your TV, and sure, some concept art or whatever jpegs they pulled out of a back room hard drive at Disney to load in as Roku screensavers, comes at a premium of $500 dollars. Star Wars fans, I beg you, realize and feel the hands of the free market wringing money out of your inner child. There is, literally, so much regular stuff to buy that won’t make your house feel like your most formative childhood trauma happened halfway through The Empire Strikes Back. You are Kirk Van Houten, proudly pointing to your X-Wing shaped bed.

20th Century Fox

If this keeps up, we’ll have elderly men in hospice, hooked up to a ventilator that looks like the Millenium Falcon, giving your child a final hug from your Ewok-printed sheets, before they have to sit in a lawyer’s office, holding a Death Star shaped urn, watching your last will and testament be read by a Limited Edition Princess Leia Holodisc.

Top Image: LG/Pixabay

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